Reply to accepting that sister doesn't like me and we will never be a "family"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My sister lives about 35 minutes away and we have kids of similar ages. We recently moved and we are closer to her, location wise.

I had this fantasy of 1x a month dinners, play time, etc. I grew up in a nuclear family (3 kids, 2 parents) and my parents are still alive and married, but none of us are close and speak regularly. I really, really want a "family" (like Parenthood!). I have tried, but the effort is for nothing and it is exhausting me emotionally. I need to cut my losses. I have, a bit, and I do feel relief.

I am processing coming to terms with this. Recently, I tried for weeks to get us together, but she said she was busy, etc etc. Then she posted a whole bunch of photos of them with their neighbors, having a blast. We weren't invited, of course, and more so she told me she was busy all that day. It was sort of a punch to the gut, AND a HUGE wake up call. She doesn't want to spend time with us.

I was just hoping we'd morph into friends and family and our dislike for each other would be overruled by good times and family love. It was made abundantly clear to me the minute she shared those photos that it isn't going to happen for us. Ever.

I just have this desire for a "family", and it isn't happening. We are blessed with great friends and an idyllic life. It is time to really move on, and accept that maybe we will see each other 4x a year for our kid birthdays and Christmas, but never to "hang out".

Please be kind. Anyone been in a similar place?

(we can't afford therapy so I'm turning to DCUM). :) [/quote]

Hi OP. Please remember that you DO have a family: your DH and your children. And any friends you have. 'Family' doesn't necessarily mean that there's a biological connection. Sometimes friends are better than family, and you get to choose your friends. The families on TV are unicorns; no family is that perfect.

My sister and I were once close, but we haven't spoken in a very long time. She's my mother's Golden Child and she's created lots of drama and tension over the years by claiming the most outrageous things. My brother is estranged from her too. Our children are also similar in age. Sometimes I miss the closeness we once shared, but I've realized that she's just too toxic. Everyone has to walk  on eggshells around her, and it just becomes exhausting and stressful being in her company.

It doesn't sound as if the cousins will have a good relationship anyway if your sister behaves this way. Enjoy your time the family you've created and look for your tribe within the community or elsewhere. All the best, OP![/quote]

Very kind. Thank you. My husband and I both try very hard to focus on the possibility that OUR family (us and kids) have the potential to be close when they are older. We can change our family story (all estranged siblings) starting with my boys. :) [/quote]

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