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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Those of you calling troll have definitely not experienced this sort of behavior. It is very, very real.

I identify as AA but come from a multiracial family.  in my family, I am the "whiter" presenting sibling, with fairer skin and slightly less coarse hair. I am shorter and fatter than my sister, but she is darker, with kinkier hair. Our whole lives I was given special treatment because I have fairer skin. OP, talk to you girls about this, make sure they know that people are terrible and stupid and that these external opinions are not true value judgments on who they are as people.

OP, the less desirable daughter needs to be taken care of and given extra special treatment. My parents did not do this with my sister and she struggled badly. Low self esteem, depression, the works. She and I had a tough relationship in the teen years and we are ok now because we're able to talk openly about how we were treated and how wrong it is.

You are already on the right track by being hyper aware of this and knowing that it is wrong. [/quote]

OP here. Thank you for understanding!! Unless you have lived this it’s hard to comprehend so this is a case, to some, of fact being stranger than fiction. I could not make this stuff up.   
I have always been hesitant about addressing this head on because I don’t want to actually say those words to her already fragile self esteem. I just affirm and reaffirm rather than addressing the actual comments. 
To those who say just talk to her about it, how do you look at your sweet sad 8 year old daughter and say get over it? 
We build her up in many ways. She’s a great sportswoman and a funny and fun loving little girl. She cracks everyone up with her jokes. But to see her sad over something out of her control yet which comes up again and again and, while we do not emphasize looks at home, they are certainly emphasized by others, is very very sad. She’s my daughter. Her pain is my pain. Perhaps I am not articulating well enough how heartbreaking it is to watch. She’s not an adult -she’s 8- and can’t rationalize like we can. And it’s been happening all her life. It’s hard to explain but PP gets it.
It’s also hard to strike a balance. It’s not her sister’s fault this is happening so I cannot over do the special treatment because that will bring about an imbalance in the way I treat them. The twin relationship is a delicate balance which adds to the problem.

To the poster who said stop complaining, I was just venting after seeing my daughter sad all evening. I don’t talk about it to anyone except my husband. He was out so I came here. Thanks for the encouragement.

Anyway I appreciate those who gave advice and the perspective of those who really understand.

[/quote]

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