Reply to When will my 17 year old junior stop trying to ruin his life?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Did he make a C in trig or is he addicted to opioids? Does he not smile and say good morning or does he pull a knife when you ask how his history test went?

I can’t tell what you mean by ruin you or what kind of bad decisions you’re talking about. [/quote]

In between.

Weed, vaping, sex, and the most recent/most egregious...attempting to steal something that he owns (that he doesn’t even care about or keep picked up).

His grades are As and Cs, no in between. I’m exhausted. He has two involved parents, but only makes good choices when he’s on punishment. I’ve become a full time juvenile detention officer. Two steps forward, three steps back every single month.[/quote]

What kind of therapy is he in?

Of the things you listed, nothing is jumping out at me as life ruining. Yeah it’s not great, but it’s not the worst either. A’s and C’s mean he can still go to college, just maybe not your first choice. Weed isn’t awesome, but it’s not a gateway drug and it’s not addictive like drinking. It could be much worse. I wouldn’t condone it but I’d strongly consider therapy to try to get to the bottom of why he’s using. Is it to relieve pressure or anxiety, or just because it feels good?

I wouldn’t even waste my time trying to control his sexuality. Just be sure he has access to condoms, knows about safe sex practices, has his hpv vaccine, and have an ongoing conversation about respect and consent. Unless he’s combative or oppositional about every subject, then I’d ask the therapist to cover those topics with him. Sometimes it’s easier to hear from a neutral third party than your mom.

Stealing though, a lot of kids have moments where it’s tempting and sometimes they do cross that line, but I wouldn’t want him to have a record. No one wants that for their kids, of course. If he already had the item and doesn’t value it, it sounds like he was thrill seeking. I doubt you can punish that behavior away. Again, therapy could help find the root of the problem and give him better outlets for dealing with whatever is causing him to act out like this.

If it were my child, I’d probably worry less about the specific actions and more about why he’s acting out. He could be under too much pressure or have anxiety/depression. I’d also look at therapy for myself so I don’t wind up losing my mind internalizing all this. It sounds tense and unhappy in your home for everyone, and you seem like you need some help resetting behaviors and expectations. [/quote]

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