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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think you are being reactive in wanting to cut contact. You are angry that she isn't responsible enough for you to use as a babysitter for your vacation and now you need to change plans.

You can reset your expectations of her without cutting contact. Your job isn't to change her.

You are angry. That is fine but don't let it drive your decisions.   [/quote]

OP here- we were actually going to take DS until she insisted that grandma would come stay with him. He's a good kid and our trip will be just as fun with him. I'm angry that she continues to behave this way when we are staying with her, and that she acts like it's a recent problem "stressed lately" and can't get it in her head that it's a chronic issue. [/quote]

Al-Anon may help or some private therapy for you so that you can work on acceptance and detachment. This is who she is right now and the only person who can change her behavior is her (not your dad or anyone else). The only way to break the cycle where you end up angry is for you to step out of it. You don't have to cut her off, but you have to be able to step back and find some detachment/objectivity, set boundaries and not expect anything to change ("My mother is an alcoholic. I will engage with her only when she is sober. Her choices are hers. I am sad that this is her life, but I will move forward and live mine without hope that she will change"). Part of therapy is grieving the loss of the mother you would like to have and then figuring out what satisfaction you can get from the relationship going forward. It's very hard, and I'm sorry this is happening to you. [/quote]

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