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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My 14-year old 8th grader is very responsible and I trust her. However, I know that she will eventually be tempted to experiment with alcohol and maybe drugs—just like I was as a (good kid) teenager—and I want her to 1) consider the safety of her surroundings and the people she’s with before she does, 2) never drive or get in a car with people who may be impaired and 3) not do permanent damage to her health (meaning not drinking to blackout, and no pills).  I was thinking about telling her those rules and that she can call me to pick her up at any time and I won’t get mad. Has any one successfully navigated this “experimenting with alcohol and/or pot is inevitable for teenagers” approach?  I’m not interested in debating the legality or morality of alcohol and drug use.  Of course I talk to my kids about the dangers, too, but I also don’t want to hide my head in the sand and pretend that my kid won’t do it—I want to make sure she’s safe. [/quote]

Following b/c I'm very interested in responses. And I have a sincere question about this line of thinking. What I don't understand about this is...when I tell my daughter all the "rules" that I think are in her best interest to keep her safe--this is "burying my head in the sand" but when you do it, it is not?...why?...b/c your "rules" are a tad more permissible than mine? What will you do when she decides that your rules are too restrictive and you just don't know how kids are these days...and those pills are totally fine! And "I was only driving a block away..but I had to b/c all the other kids were wasted and I only had one beer."
There is always a reason that kids do things you don't want them to do. And they rarely think it's a BAD idea at the time.

We all want to keep our kids safe. So it's not like I disagree with what you are saying. I just think maybe it's a little naive too think that just because your "rules" are more permissive, this makes your kid less likely to break them.[/quote]

Op again.  Good points.  I’m not trying to say that if I am permissive, she won’t break my rules or that parents who have strict rules are deluding themselves, so I should not have used “burying my head in the sand” because it does sound dismissive and, I guess, moralizing.  I actually consider myself to be a fairly strict parent with very high expectations in many other areas.  It’s just that, in reflecting on my own teenage years—and as I said, I was a good kid with parents who trusted me and went on to be a happy, successful college student and then adult—I remember being internally motivated not to do some things my peers were doing (smoking cigarettes, ecstasy and acid, for example), but I still drank alcohol and smoked a little pot.  And I do think most teenagers will try alcohol during high school, even the ones whose parents forbid it, so I’m just curious if parents here have gotten their teens safely to adulthood with an attitude like mine and if they feel that approach was successful.[/quote]

Well tbh OP, it sounds like your parents were pretty successful in getting _you_ to adulthood with no major issues. So why don't you just try the approach that they took? (What was that approach, btw?)
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