Reply to When dhs can't speak to their parents

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. They talk often on the phone (every 3rd day just about), so it would be weird to send an email. I can help him write up a text. I keep asking him if he even wants to go to the wedding as he could go by himself, but he keeps telling me he'll look into it too. The RSVP deadline is next week.

I think DH just can't make any sort of decision about family matters. He's waiting for either me or his mom to make the decision for him. It's really strange and he's a capable person in every other aspect of his life. I really don't want to make these decisions for him. There's enough on my plate. He does this with holidays too. His parents and I didn't know when we'd be going up for Christmas. We both kept asking him and he wouldn't make a decision. He wouldn't sit down with me and talk about it. I think he feels pulled between knowing I don't want to spend more than 4 days at his parents (I want to see my own family and annual leave constraints) and his parents want him to spend as much time as possible.

Is this something a therapist could work through with us?[/quote]

This sounds exhausting. Just don’t let him procrastinate the decision.

For example, when you guys both talk about the wedding and not wanting to go, you can get the RSVP card and check not attending. Once the RSVP is submitted, it’s done.

This is something you have control over.

Also, when you’re making holiday plans, sit down together and look at the calendar - mark down dates that you’re willing to go see his family, etc. There aren’t that many days to choose from and you’re allowed to state your opinions. Saying your maximum is 4 nights at his parents house is reasonable. You say he’s indecisive, but you seem really hesitant to make decisions as well. In my house I would ask DH “what do you want to do?” And we would tell each other preferences constrained by days of leave available and logistics. It shouldn’t be that hard to make holiday plans.

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