Reply to How do you gut through watching playground dynamics when your child is the different one?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Now that DS is 4, his struggle with language is really coming to a head. Today on the playground he was the default bad guy, which means he chases after the other kids attempting to join them, but he’s the slowest, has the poorest receptive and expressive language, and whenever he catches up and thinks he’s part of the group, they all run away again. He loves it-for now- thinks he’s part of a group and playing with friends who like him. He’d be crushed if he knew and understood they had made him the bad guy. It’s nothing for now but still hard today watch, and it’s only going to get worse. DS has no real friends. A lot of activities and playmates and buddies and birthday parties, but real friends? No. I’m so nervous and sad for him as I watch him fall behind his peers, despite huge progress.  He’s sweet and social and does not have one mean bone in his body. He just - talks funny, and doesn’t understand a lot of things. How do you deal with the sadness and supporting your child? [/quote]

There are a lot of issues here, from your child's progress, to your own feelings watching him play certain roles on the playground.  If your child is having social experiences, he's having social experiences.  So try to dismiss your projections about him being "the bad guy."  He's obviously benefiting from the playground stuff. If you want him to cultivate one on one friendships, at this point in his life you have to be the facilitator.  That means making playdates for him even if it doesn't feel organic or you have to go out of your way or it initially feels like a "pity" playdate.  It also means that he may make close friends with other special needs kids at this point in his life.  And I know that makes many parents cringe, oh no, he needs typical role models, he's not really special needs, he's making huge progress!  But your child deserves to socialize, and he deserves to be part of a community of children.  Most of my child's really close friends at that age were from PEP or other special needs experiences.[/quote]

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