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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your therapist is telling you that you are not *telling him nicely enough* to pull his weight?

IMO, get a new therapist. [/quote]

+1.

OP, we also went to a therapist, and similar issues came up.
The idea is communication and responsibility. I.e. if your DH is sick and cannot do his task, then he has to tell you that proactively, before parking himself on the couch and dozing off. If he didn't do it, he dropped the ball.

I agree you shouldn't stop something out of resentment. However, it sounds like you're pulling a much heavier load. I would focus on re-distributing that. What is "reset the house"? Picking up? Ask DH to do it on a weekend. Or, if you can do showers every other day, then on alternate days DH gets a different task.

Another thing that I got out of marriage therapy is playing to each others' strengths. What is your DH good at?  Find a chore/task that he can succeed at doing based on things that come more natural for him.

If you feel overwhelmed and angry - try to do practical things to lighten your burden: buy take out roasted chicken and use paper plates - no cooking and no clean up.  What is resetting a back pack? Can DH do it?  What can be dropped from your daily list? If you outsource cleaning - will you have to do fewer cleaning tasks? Can DH turn over a load of laundry? If you remind him, maybe it's an extra thing he can do.

Don't be a martyr, optimize, divide and conquer.
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