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[quote=Anonymous]You want him to step up and do what he’s supposed to do without having to parent him too. You are resentful that he is not doing it himself.

You have to decide how long you are going to be pissed that he can’t do one simple task vs be in a marriage with the husband you have.

Once you make peace with having a husband who will never willing do what needs to be done, the sooner you can come up with a plan that works for both of you.

In therapy, say “I want to find a solution that works for both of us. This is the list of things that need to be done each evening. It seems that supervising showers isn’t working for you. So either, it’s not the task you want to do. Or it’s a sign that you don’t want to do any of the task.”

Then you talk about why he thinks he shouldn’t do XYZ. Or he wants to wait until he feels like doing it. Which you discuss if it’s fair to wait until you feel like doing something.

Maybe he will do it, but you will always be the one leading the nighttime routine. So in therapy you come up with a script he is okay with you saying every night. I have ADD and have no sense of time. So DH usually takes the lead on when we start the evening routine. Every night to me and DS he has to say “in 15 mins or after this show we will start getting ready for bed”. Every night.

So you might say, okay after dinner DS has 30 mins to play. Then we start the night time routine. DH, you supervise the shower, I’ll clean up and get ready for tomorrow. Every night.

If he really truly believes that he can’t pick from your list of evening activities or can’t commit to doing them regardless of how he feels. Then you come up with how you will react.

Well if you can’t supervise the shower or help clean up and prepare for tomorrow, I’ll have to cut back on what I prepare for dinner so I won’t have as much clean up. Then you make peanut butter sandwiches with carrots and ranch for dinner. Every night. [/quote]

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