Reply to Foster-to-adopt or adopt an older child. Advice please.

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[quote=Anonymous]We have one biological child that is still an infant. DH and I would both like to adopt in a few years, once DC is older and more independent. I've started doing all kinds of research (bad idea, by the way -- fell in love with a little boy on AdoptUSKids, but he's on the other coast and we're nowhere near ready :(

The crux of the problem is that we can't decide which option to pursue. From those of you that have been there-done that, do you have any advice, recommendations, etc. on each of the below scenarios:

1. Foster-to-adopt: I realize that the whole point of the program is to reunify the child with the bio family. My biggest fear is that once we bond with them (and let's face it -- how can you not), we'd have to give them back. Not sure I want to put our family through it/have read some testimonials online that make me want to cry. For those that have done it, is it even worth exploring, if you want a forever child? If you were able to keep the child, how long did it take/did you have to jump through a bunch of hoops? If you weren't able to keep them, how did you deal? How did your other kids take it?

2. Adopting an older child: I gather that the longer a child is in the foster care system, the harder it is for them to get adopted. If we decide to go that route, what should we be prepared in terms of support care after the fact? Therapy? Counseling? (I want to go in with my eyes open, in terms of how much money/time/additional resources we'd have to line up, to give the kid everything they might need.)

I'm fully prepared that I might get some troll responses, but for those that have genuine advice, thank you in advance.[/quote]

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