Reply to At a loss- spouse openly disregarded my wishes on something

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m posting because I’m not really sure how to handle and where to go from here. Spouse and I have frequent disagreements on random things the other person wants to do. I am not using the word disagreements as a euphemism, they are typically just that- disagreements. They usually don’t end up in huge fights, typically the person wanting something doesn’t get their way if the other doesn’t agree, and is some level of bummed but we all move on.

We had a disagreement like this last night where both of us felt passionately about our side. Spouse wanted to buy something on impulse that I felt would be a huge time suck and would result in adding more to my overflowing plate because of the time commitment, and needed to make a decision immediately. I explained how uncomfortable I was with this and then ultimately took a firmer stance and said NO. It’s also something very large so it’s not like we can shove it in a closet and forget about it. Spouse basically said F U and went and got it anyway. Literally got out of bed at night right before we were about to have sex (I’m not sure this is relevant, but it was the icing on the cake). The best example I can give would be buying a used Peloton on Craigslist at a great price and needing to buy it immediately before someone else did.

I am so PISSED. I’m just angry. And sad/hurt. There have been so many things I have wanted over the years (or even this weekend!!!) that I’ve missed out on because of spouse saying no. I feel like spouse may as well be the “fun police” who shoots down all my fun ideas and always has. I can honestly say it wouldn’t have even occurred to me to just go do these things anyway. I may complain but I would never, ever say FU and go buy the plane ticket to Europe, for example. I feel so manipulated. It’s like clearly spouse thought this through and decided I’d throw a fit but eventually move on and at the end of the day they would get their way and I would have to suck it up and get over it eventually. Like an asshole that violates HOA guidelines by building a structure after the board rejected it, simply because they wanted it so badly and knew no one would make them tear it down.

Just wondering what others would do in this case. It’s not about buying the Peloton anymore, it’s about what that represents. The more I try to “cool off” and reflect, the more betrayed I feel. [/quote]

One of the problems I am quite sure both you and your spouse have, is very poor communication skills.

You never said exactly WHAT the mystery item your spouse bought actually is.

How could anyone objectively decide whether the purchase was a reasonable one, without knowing 1) what it is   & 2) how much it costs (at a minimum, we would need to know those two things).

Instead, you compared it to a craigslist peloton.

But it's NOT a craigslist peloton.

Why can't you, on an anonymous message board, say what the item actually is?

Because you're a very poor communicator.

You withhold important information.

I'm sure you wife has similar traits, and I'm sure this dysfunctional interaction style has been going on throughout your relationship, on both sides.[/quote]

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