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[quote=Anonymous]I’ll start this by saying that deep down this is not a complaint about borrowing or material things, but rather a question about socializing with other parents and families who have children. This is a specific situation but surely others have had similar feelings and can talk me down. My family has a lot going on, but DH and I are both people who work hard to overcome our inclination towards disorganization now that we’re responsible for setting an example for our kids. We’re very organized and keep our things and house tidy, and we’re so relieved to be able to afford fun activities. We enjoy the company of old friends and their little kids, but are increasingly baffled by behavior that is maybe a product of being overwhelmed and disprganized but is feeling downright rude.

Our friends will frequently show up to a pre-planned activity that requires certain items  (a warm jacket for a fall hike, mittens for a ski trip, towels for the beach) without bringing the aforementioned critical clothing/items for their children. We usually have an extra of something and will loan it out rather than bring an all-day activity for 6-8 people to a screeching halt for lack of proper gear. Here’s the weird thing: I’ll say “please just wash it and bring it back next time we see you” and they’ll agree to the plan. Easy, no big deal, right? But multiple times we’ve done a repeat of a similar activity a week or two later, and the borrowers will show up wearing or actively using the items as if they’re their own! In other words, I’ll loan out a pair of very distinct ski mittens with my kid’s name on them in Sharpie to my friend’s son who forgot his, and when we see his brother at ski school the next week, he’ll be wearing them. Or I’ll see a beach towel that we loaned out pop up on Instagram during my friend’s beach vacation. And more! They were the kind of people who often forgot diapers or formula when we all had babies and would meet up for outings, which is making me question the innocence of all this “borrowing”.

I can’t figure out if my friends are disorganize and so overwhelmed that they genuinely have no idea what’s going on, or if I’m saying the wrong thing when these situations come up. For the record, the family I’ve lent stuff to is much financially better off than we are, which makes me feel less like a generous superhero who saves the day and more like a chump. But I also feel so strange and grabby trying to chase down stuff. Are people just overwhelmed and I’m being a jerk? I honestly can’t imagine not realizing if something in my house didn’t belong to me, but maybe someone could chime in and tell me that I’m too strict and this is typical. I genuinely want to feel less annoyed and move on but am stuck on this. New friends are harder to come by than stuff, but at some point I’m going to run out of supplies![/quote]

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