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Reply to ""Take us on a trip""

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. So far our compromise is that we invite inlaws on all of our trips, but they decline every single time. I just can't spend 2k to go to Atlantic City again to eat at Olive Gardens. My time and money are so limited right now. [/quote]

That’s a nice gesture. You can also invite them to visit you at your home.

Also, if they invite you to go somewhere like Atlantic City, it’s fine to say that you can’t afford it. It’s fine to say you want to go somewhere with more activities for children. You can speak up when those conversations come up. Those comments are a good opening for “Actually, we’re going to XX on YY date, would you like to join us?  Basically, every time they invite you, turn it around and invite them. Say the kids would love to spend time with them!

But honestly, you guys need to get over your hang up about discussing money. You should not go on trips without knowing how much things are going to cost. Practice saying out loud. “We can’t afford that.” [/quote]

OP here. They don't visit us. We live under 3 hours away from them too. They're just old school and think kids visit their parents and not the other way around (we have a lovely guest room). Likewise, they think kids go on their parent's vacations and not the other way around. We've do decline their trips. I guess I should just keep saying we can't afford it. Additionally, I don't have extra annual leave after budgeting it around holidays with family (because they don't visit us we have to use AL to visit them over holidays) and our own vacations. [/quote]

Clearly there’s a lot of resentment building. This is 95% a DH problem and 5% an IL problem.

You need to put your foot down. I don’t know how you got to 3 kids without saying something (to DH!!! Not his parents) but here you are. Maybe you need to go to marital counseling to work out your issues. You have 3 kids in daycare - that is an exhausting stage. I would have said no to traveling on Christmas and the vacations a long time ago. You’ve let this fester.

It’s also clear you’re annoyed about how the IL talk about these trips to “everyone.” I don’t know who this everyone is but if it’s your husband’s family members, you can shut it down politely by saying “We can’t afford to go on those trips.”Then smile and change the subject.

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