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[quote=Anonymous]My wife has always suffered from depression but until we had children she was what I was considered a high functioning depressed person.  She was very successful in her career and was the main breadwinner.  She was always high achieving and the depression would last a week or so mostly in the winter but never really affected how she functioned.

When we had our first she developed extremely bad PPD.  She basically would not get out of bed and we really struggled.  I took on 99% of the responsibility and our DD was one before she’d go to counseling and stay medicated.  Things improved.  I did not think a second child was going to happen and felt like that was the best decision.  However she was doing well and we mutually decided to go for a second child but with the knowledge that she’d probably develop PPD again and that we needed to start treatment as soon as possible.

The pregnancy and  birth of our second child was traumatic.  She had horrible morning sickness and had an emergency c-section that was very painful.  Her birth recovery took months.  Things were way worse than they were with our first and her depression came back with a vengeance.  We barely made it to our seconds child’s birthday and I got a vasectomy when he was 6-months-old.  Our second child was very fussy and nursing wouldn’t work.

We are now at a point where my children are 6&3 and I’m drowning.  I’ve tried everything to get my wife help but she’s so deep down in the hole she won’t put forth any effort anymore.  We’ve had to put both children in daycare a few years ago because they were not getting adequate care with my wife staying at home.

I’m the sole provider making barely 80k a year.  She refuses to go back to work, and I do feel like once she has had the structure back and feels like she’s doing something worthwhile she’ll be in a better headspace.  We also wouldn’t be struggling as much as we are financially at the moment.   She is in bed 80% of the time and does nothing around the house.  I’ve struggled with depression before so I empathize but at this point I’m at my wits end.

I know this is not my wife.  She’s a shell of herself and she can’t dig herself out and I don’t know what else I can do.  My children are suffering but I love her so much I can’t abandon her and just jump ship because things are so hard.  I also feel guilt about causing the intense depression by having children.

Our family, aside from her mother, do not know how bad it is.  We’ve driven away all our friends because I’m so paranoid of their suspicions.

I’m at a loss and looking for a lifeline. I want to go to therapy to help myself but I just don’t have the time or money.

Any suggestions?

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