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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is not the place to talk about family issues, but my question ties to soccer.  DH and I are going through a really rough patch, maybe heading toward the end of the marriage.  My DD loves soccer, lives for it, always has since she started playing at 5 YO.  She's pretty darn good too IMHO.  She plays on a travel team, practices 3x a week, practices on her own, wants to improve, asks for additional clinics etc.  She gets no support from her dad, he doesn't go to games, doesn't take her to practices etc.  It gets her down sometimes, she asks me if he's coming to her game every week.  I say I don't know, but I know he's not going to.  When she asks him if he can come he always has a lame excuse.  Sometimes I watch her when she's on the bench and she looks so sad, I know she's thinking about her dad.  Even in a middle of a game I see her lose focus and I think it's because she's thinking about him.  I'm almost in tears writing this.  I've tried to explain to him that he's hurting her, he brushes it off.  He's a very selfish person in general, but he was an young athlete through HS and knows the commitment, encouragement, support and dedication needed to succeed, but he doesn't help her in anyway, in fact, he does the opposite.  When she goes to him for advise, he will give her a hard world reality basically saying no matter how good you are, there's always someone better, things like that.  When he does show up to a game, he will only give her compliments if she scores and awesome goal, or does something he considers amazing.  Otherwise, he'll say "that team sucked", that's why you guys won, or "you lost because you're team sucks or you didn't try hard enough".  Has anyone been through anything like this?  Any advise on how to keep encouraging my DD to reach her potential and despite the negativity from her dad?  [/quote]

How old is she? I've seen a lot of kids from families post-split where one parent is not very supportive and, generally, it seems it's very difficult to overcome. The non-supportive parent doesn't bring the kid to games/practices and/or is likely putting a lot of negative thoughts into their kid's head about their ability, team, etc. The really screwy part is that some non-supportive parents seem to do it to 'get back' at the supportive parent (e.g. the supportive parent made the decision to put them in travel or pays for it, etc.)...so the non-supportive parent sabotages. If your relationship is toxic, the only thing I would recommend is for your daughter to try to make it clear that it is her passion and maybe that can make him realize he needs to be supportive.[/quote]

agree, I think he does it to get back at me.  She's 11, so still very young and impressionable.  I try to protect her and my other kids from his negativity as much as possible, but I'm starting to think he's going to kill any chance she might have.[/quote]

If this is about preserving her love for soccer, I think one thing you might pay attention to is identifying a rough equivalent to a supportive father figure, while your daughter is on/near the fields.

In other words, if the affirmation of her own father is what she is missing, it's possible that someone who, in soccer terms, fills that void could help her. A coach or assistant coach could be especially affirming and encouraging if their personality naturally inclines in that direction and they are positively reinforced with acknowledgment/thanks for being supportive. A teammate's dad who knows the game and takes her and the teammate to soccer stuff (Washington Spirit game, soccer store, etc.). Just someone to, even in a symbolic or superficial way, give her enough of that to help hold her together for games, practices, and other places or events that shape her relationship with soccer.

Our schools have some male role models who help bolster the confidence of single parented children. If it's the right person, who cares, it can work. And there need not be any awkwardness or abstract boundaries about that person's relationship to your daughter or to you.

Does this mean that someone suitable is out there to help this happen? Maybe. Maybe not. I am just suggesting that wherever you see this kind of support, no matter how incidental, try to cultivate it and grow it. A good many will know the favor that he's doing and will take pleasure in helping your daughter deal with this.
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