Reply to SO disappointed my in laws are nutty

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I get it, and I’m sorry this has been your experience. BTDT.

What helped me (which may or may not help you) was to realize that I had gone most of my life without my in-laws. I hadn’t waited 20-something years for them feeling a sense of loss because I hadn’t met them yet. Good in-laws are nice to have but not necessary.

Then I focused on taking a break from the types of interactions that triggered me into irritation and rage. I won’t organize family dinners or buy the holiday gifts; my DH can do that for his family of origin. I can handle 1-3 dinners per year with polite detachment.

Last, I explored in therapy the ways in which my in-laws triggered me. What could I do to become more resilient? How could I let go?

Remember too that family is what you make it. For families who live far apart from loved ones, who have suffered loss from death or estrangement, building up support networks of non-related adults is often quite fulfilling. Parents’ friends, dear neighbors, members of a religious congregation, and others can be as supportive or more than difficult in-laws.[/quote]

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