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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You have to talk to your daughter before the wedding.  You have to.  You may lose her, but you have to do it.  Use lots of “I” statements and give her room to talk about how she sees this situation.  Definitely tell her you feel like she’s changed too, and are worried about her and any children she might have.  Use some specific examples of things she and FIL to be have said.[/quote]

+1 to this. While she is an adult and you cannot control her or her choices, to be true to your own beliefs you need to speak.

Do not wing it. This is not a talk to improvise. Script your talking points. Choose your timing very carefully; don't do this right after you've been with the couple and you're upset and angry. Do not not not badmouth them Orr theirs on or she will ONLY hear that, and will feel she must defend them against you; she will not hear anything else you say if she is defensive. I'd focus on what you see as changes in HER behavior and not on them. Scripting your "when I hear X, I feel Y" statements is important--the PP is right that "I" statements and not "you" (or "they") statements are they way to go.

Others are insisting you shouldn't even try but again--this is also about your own belief system and being faithful to that.

And while she is indeed an adult, I wonder if she is trying to fit in with this family. I also note you focus on the parents here, but sadly if she's espousing this same stuff I would think that it means her fiancé, their son, the guy you call "decent," also espouses these beliefs. But in talking to her, keep to those I statements and keep the temperature cool and calm.Let het feel you're actually listening if she starts to try explaining herself.

As someone asked above--do these in-laws live close enough that she will see them a lot? Or do you live closer?[/quote]

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