Reply to If there was never a "spark," can a successful, long-term relationship still be possible?

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Reply to "If there was never a "spark," can a successful, long-term relationship still be possible?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I'd love some insight...

I'm a guy in my mid-30s and I've been dating a late 20s girl for almost a year.  Early on, I wasn't that interested in her.  Her looks didn't particularly excite me and didn't have the spark/butterflies.  But, we had very similar interests and values and genuinely enjoyed each other's company.  She has made it incredibly easy to spend time with her, because she has been so caring, accommodating, and giving.  And the sex is actually really good.  So, I've grown to like her more.  Also worth noting, my family doesn't particularly care for her, as they've liked other exes more in the past - which hasn't made it easy.

I just don't know if this is "the one."  I have chased more attractive girls and put them on the pedestal.  That never worked out, and frankly, it was pretty exhausting.  I felt I made all the effort and they didn't reciprocate back, or to a lesser extent.  Fast forward, I sort of feel like the exact opposite is happening in my current relationship.  She seems to be more on that pedestal: she is the one putting in much more effort.  While it's nice, the power dynamic seems a little off.  I truly care about her, but I just never had that innate attraction/connection.  I know that may or may not exist in a relationship (and could be confused with lust), but I have had that feeling before (which didn't work out on the other end), and it's pretty amazing.

Am I chasing an unattainable unicorn and stupid for possibly ending things with a person who cares about me and loves me immensely?  I worry that I just can never get there to match her feelings for me.  I do really care about her - I love her, but not sure I'm "in love."  I do want a marriage and family, but worried that this may not be the one.  I just never had and still don't have that spark.  I'm really confused here, and would be interested in getting some thoughts.  Is the spark really necessary? [/quote]

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