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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm so sorry. You do have two kids. Did his mommy spoil him rotten, and do everything for him?[/quote]

OP here... in my opinion, yes. He had a SAHM and didn’t learn to do laundry till college. He barely knows how to cook. When we are at his parents house and he clears the table and does dishes, his mom practically throws a parade! I came from a home of two full time working parents. Where the cook doesn’t clean, I did my own laundry at 12, had daily chores, etc.

We’ve been together 15+ years and lived together 13 of those. It’s gotten so much worse since we had a child. It takes me breaking down, crying, every few months before he gets it ... for awhile and then it begins again.

Not that it matters, but income wise we are almost 50/50 so it should be the same at home!

I just LOST IT when he messed up my new car. We live so conservatively and I’ve waited forever to have a nice, new (to me) car.

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Hmm. People never go beyond that and conclude parents are to blame. WHY do you think some parents "spoil" their kids?

In many instances, it's because the child shows some unidentified issues in executive function. AKA, what they now call ADHD (and they really should call it something else, and they really should separate the different subtypes into their own disorders, and they really should have an "executive dysfunction" umbrella for all of that stuff, but that's for another post).

When your kid cannot multitask to save his life - I mean that quite literally - and keeps forgetting directions, both at school and at home, what can you do as a parent or as a teacher except simplify it for him? 
Nowadays we are growing a cohort of boys and girls who are educated and self-aware about their tendencies, and possibly meds, and be upfront about them with their future spouses. But 20 years ago? 40 years ago? No.

I'm sure there are also plenty of instances of parents in previous generations who raised boys as if they were going to be waited on hand and foot by their wives and assistants/maids. Sure. But be specific. "Spoiling" doesn't mean a thing and puts unnecessary guilt on well-meaning people.

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