Reply to My children (adopted) said that we weren't a real family

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[quote=Anonymous]Two elementary aged boys.  They were having a conversation in the back seat about growing up and the families they would have (move to LA, buy a mansion, get a wife, have 3 kids).  The older told the younger, "You know, you have to have s-e-x (yes, he spelled it out) to have the babies."  The younger said, "Ewww."  The older said, "You have to have s-e-x or adopt, that's the only way to get a baby."  Then he says, "Mom, I wish you had never told me that I was adopted, it makes me feel weird."  I say, "What do you mean, tell me more."  He says, "It feels like we aren't a real family."  I said, "I feel like we are a real family.  I've loved you since the day you were born and we live like any other family."  He said, "But you aren't my *real* mom."  I said, "I feel like your real mom. I love you just as much as any other mom loves her kids."  The younger pipes up, "No offense, mom, but it's not the same as being a real mom."

So this felt like a gut punch but I tried not to show it because I want them to come to me with real, true feelings, even when it's hard to hear, without worrying about hurting my feelings.   But damn...that was hard to hear.  :(

Any words of advice if this comes up again?  Should I bring it up again?  Might their thinking evolve over time?  We adopted both at birth.  Have always acknowledged that they may experience a pain or a loss.  Have told them that we would support if they ever choose to search out their birth parents when older.

Please, would the occasional DCUM anti-adoption posters skip this one, please?  I don't want to feel any worse.[/quote]

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