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[quote=Anonymous]I am the adoptinve mom of three children and have no biological children.  I brought my third child home three days ago.  So, I can't speak as to what it is like to add to a biological family through adoption, but I do have some thoughts and experience on some of your questions.

If I had a nickel for everyone who tells me that my kids are lucky to have me, I could probably buy at least one cup of starbucks each day for a year.  It doesn't feel good to hear this.  Deciding to adopt is not really something that is truly altrustic.  It is borne of having a personal need/desire for children coupled with a thoughtful decision of how you will form the family you envision having.  Everyone I know, me included, has reasons for choosing adoption over having biological children - recognizing that sometimes biology is not an option due to infertility or not a reasonable option given medical concerns of the prospective parents and sometimes people don't feel compelled to raising a family that is created through procreation so adoption makes more sense.  But, regardless of your reasons for choosing adoption, once you hold your child in her arms, you realize that it is not about charity, but about this incredible realtionship that occurs when parent and child are united, which makes you at least as lucky as your child and probably moreso. To be more direct, I don't think there is anything wrong with realizing that you want more kids and that the thing that makes most sense for your family is to adopt, regardless of your motivation, so long as you don't view it as a good work.

There are many people who will suggest that you avoid adopting out of birth order.  I'm not sure what the research says, but here are my thoughts.  If you are forming your family through biology, birth order matters.  In fact, it is your only option.

If you are forming your family through adoption - whether solely or partially - it is not the normal way of forming a family.  So, I'm not sure that there is any good reason for following the general rules of birth order.  But, if you can tell that birth order matters, then it is a good idea to follow it.  I adopted my second child out of birth order and it worked well.  My first would have been a good older or younger brother.  But, my third is younger than the first two because I thought that my kids both needed to be older than the new one.  That being said, if I were inclined to adopt a teenager, which would have been older than my kids, I think that would have worked too.  The problem in my family would have been to add a child that was of an age between my two.

As to the issue of the difficulty of transitioning an older child versus a younger one, personally, I thought both were a lot of work.  I honestly would never suggest that the younger one was any easier than the older one - or that numbers two and three were any easier than number one.  It is a good idea to educate yourself as to the issues you will face and to develop a good support system.

As to people who will say that there are kids in America who need homes, I would say the following.  Why are they more deserving if a chance than any other child around the world.  All kids should be given a chance to have a family no matter where they are born.  If you have the stomach for international adoption, than you should follow your heart.

Finally, for those who suggested that International Adoption takes a long time, they are right.  A quick adoption happens in a year and a half and many families wait three to five years.  You can always find stories of people who adopt in a shorter period of time, but that is the excepton, not the rule.

Good luck!  International adoption is an amazing experience.

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