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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Have you spoken to him directly about this? Given him some data? Have you expressed how this is sucking the life out your marriage? Asked him if he is okay? Seething in silence won’t fix this. [/quote]

This. Have you told him what you've told us -- that you clam up because you dread his reactions (or lack of reaction/silent treatment until...it's no longer silent, but a resentful broadside from him because you weren't a mind-reader....)?

I can see how you would be reluctant to tell him that this is how you now see all interactions with him. He is going to take it badly. But I'd script out what I wanted to say; I'd edit it to sound as objective as possible and to use "when you X, I feel Y" statements; and I'd be prepared with a next step rather than waiting around for him to come up with one: Couples therapy. Have it already booked so he can't delay by complaining and griping until you manage to book the first date. If he flatly refuses to go, be crystal clear that you are immediately starting solo counseling to help determine if you want to stay married to him. Then DO go to counseling or therapy or whatever. Together or alone.

He may be depressed. (His mom might have been too.) I know people often say that on DCUM and I know it feels like just meanness on his part and not "sadness," I get that. Or he might just be a jerk. But If you think the person you married is still there somewhere, I'd at least give couples therapy a shot. And I'd start saying sooner, "I get the feeling you are upset or angry and I'd like to listen, but I can't listen or help if you choose not to have a conversation."[/quote]

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