Reply to Best friend's husband is being ungrateful or are we wrong? WWYD?

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[quote=Anonymous]or say?

Here's the story.

My best friend and I have been close since college (so about 8 yrs), let's call her Anna. Anna and her DH (call him Mike) have always had money issues. They both work hard, but are underemployed. Anna didn't finish college (but is employed), and Mike did but he isn't using his degree because it isn't a super in demand field. Anyway, she has been telling me about their recent money issues as they have had to move in with family. Last month, their car died so I told her I would pay for the repair. Turns out the repair is $$$ and the car needs other work so I told her I could just get her a pre owned car instead for a little more than the price of the repairs.

So last night, they invited my fiance and I over for dinner. Mike was kind of standoffish all evening and eventually erupts into "Oh it must so nice to be rich and be able to throw money around" when Anna told me that she really enjoys driving the new car. I said "you know it's not like that Mike... We aren't rich but we do try to help our good friends out when we can". Meanwhile Anna is mad at him for being rude. My fiance retorts to Mike that "this isn't the first time we have helped out, it's just the first you're hearing about it". Mike continues hurling insults at us and my fiance is saying we should leave. On the way home he said we shouldn't help them again because they are ungrateful. Anna called me today but I missed the call. She left a long message apologizing and saying to call her back.

I think Mike is probably stressed out and embarrassed to be in this situation but OTOH I agree with my fiance that if he can't be graceful, maybe we shouldn't help them. FWIW, we aren't flashy people (we drive Toyotas and shop at Aldi to save money) so it's not like we are flashing our money all the time. We have money available, but we pretty much still live like college students in that we don't do extras and splurges often. I'm also annoyed at my fiance for telling Mike that we have helped them out in the past. Honestly it was just $200 here, $500 there for important things like rent, daycare, credit card bills, etc and Anna would ask me and I'd happily give them the money (or pay directly, in the case of daycare).

What would you do in this scenario? Is our friendship done? [/quote]

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