Reply to STBXW has moved out and has her AP visiting with our kids

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Reply to "STBXW has moved out and has her AP visiting with our kids"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What does your agreement say about the “dos and don’ts” to which you refer? If she’s violating something in your agreement, talk to your lawyer. It’s lrobably not enforceable but she can at least be put on notice. If your agreement doesn’t say anything about partners during custody time, [b]she is right in that you have no say. 
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Why are your kids scared of him? You didn’t address that. [/quote]'

the bold above is true; however -- the oldest child, at 14, might have some say with the court. Kids that age and older sometimes do have the opportunity to tell a family court judge their preferences, usually in the case of deciding where the teen will live.

OP, I would first talk to your teen about advocating for him/herself with mom (though it sounds as if mom isn't going to listen, if the BF is around as much as the kids say). Have you worked with the therapist yourself? I'd be especially concerned if your teen is insisting on not feeling safe but feels he can't say why--maybe something happened, in which case I hope the therapist would tell you if something police-worthy might be going on.

If your ex flatly refuses to listen to the older child, talk to your lawyer about whether your teen can tell a judge he does not want to see this other adult who is in mom's home, or whether the teen can ask to live only with you and have visitation with mom only at "third places" like at school events, coffee shops, etc.

The larger issue then would be what happens with the two younger kids who are not old enough that a court would listen to their preferences. Not sure about how to handle that part, OP. I really think you need to (a) talk to your lawyer and (b) try to find out why the kids are scared of this guy. If they really are scared and not just resentful of him -- I would absolutely want to know what's frightening them.
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