Reply to I’m dying slow painful death of undermining from narcissist mother

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[quote=Anonymous]People who think this is about the snacks have no experience having a parent like this. I often describe my relationship with my mother as death by a thousand paper cuts. It feels like torture.
Honestly, I feel like my mother excels at manipulating in a way where on the outside everyone else will think she is doing nothing wrong or just something so minor there is no reason to be upset but she and I both know exactly what is going on. Sure it looks fine to someone else, but I just had that exact conversation with you about X and you intentionally did Y. She looks like the victim (a role she LOVES) and I look like the uptight bitch overreacting about something so minor. She often treats me much differently when there isn't anyone else around. It feels safer to have an audience now.

I have over the years created more and more boundaries with her. At this point, I don't even know why I leave anything open anymore. Cutting it off completely seems so cold and final but keeping it like it is feels like torture. I would love to find a way to not let it bother me, not let the little things upset me but it's hard when it's your own mother.

I feel like the only reason I have completely cut ties is because of my father. Although, he sticks by her side and almost never speaks to me so is there really a difference?

You mentioned you have created more boundaries but maybe another boundary needs to be that she doesn't stay in your home on visits or that she doesn't come to your home at all. It limits her ability to undermine your parenting if you always meet up at the zoo, a playground or a restaurant. It also gives you an easy way to end the visit when she doesn't respect you.
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