Reply to Brief (?) Emotional Affair

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I read the OP as though it was written by a man who is concerned about his wife’s attraction to a coworker, probably because my husband has a demanding career and is emotionally distant, so I pictured someone like him as the OP. I feel like the sex every day for a month strategy would be less effective if OP is a man married to a woman. If you are a man, OP, devote more time and energy to the things that you know your wife really appreciates.  Maybe it’s flowers and gifts; maybe it’s a love note detailing what she and your marriage mean to you and what attracts you to her; maybe it’s planning a special romantic trip; maybe it’s your finding some activity you can do together that you’ll both enjoy, to show her that you’re willing to carve out time from your busy schedule for her. In my own case, it would be very powerful for me if my husband would just give me 10-15 minutes a day of really engaging with me: putting down his phone, looking me in the eye, sharing one thing about his day or life with me, and really listening to me without looking like he’s thinking about something else while I talk.

Also, your spouse needs to create some polite distance between him/herself and work colleague. When you’ve already confessed mutual attraction, anything less than politely distancing yourself is playing with fire. They should not socialize without being in the company of others.[/quote]

My tact since refocusing on my family has been consistent with what you suggested; it has been a great boon to the marriage and I kick myself for not realizing/implementing this earlier. My issue is that when we’re together, I have, at most, only lingering concerns. It is during the work day that my concerns really bubble. This reduces productivity which increases stress which I will eventually again bring home.

My spouse has agreed-without disagreement-not to socialize alone after work as I believe that was rarely done. It’s the legitimate work time they will spend together that continues to bother/worry me; and my concern is the friends’s inability to move on.  [/quote]

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