Reply to Advice needed: Is this financial control or just a typical CPA spouse?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So, DW here with controlling tendencies w/r/t money (okay, w/r/t to everything, but I'm working on it!). My DH and I have a joint credit card and I regularly monitor the statement for both of our spending. It's to avoid fraud, to track spending patterns, to see how many points we're earning, etc. I could definitely call to mind his recent purchases with ease, and some of the small ones drive me crazy b/c I'm very frugal on small expenses. He buys lunch every day (I mostly bring mine), he will uber rather than take the bus (I'm a regular bus rider). And, like your husband, I *will* blow large sums of money on trips or luxury items (high-quality work bag, for example). I see the value in vacation/travel and good quality items, but slowly frittering small amounts that add up and could be avoided drives me nuts. It's just the way I am.

That said, I *do not* hassle my husband about his spending patterns. I made a minor thing about it when we were first married and it just wasn't productive. I'll bring it up every now and then if we are specifically talking budgeting, but otherwise I let it alone. I am who I am, but he is who he is. He likes to get lunch out because he likes the mental break from work. He doesn't enjoy the bus because he'd rather get home to the kids sooner. I accept that and, even if I didn't, it's not my hill to die on.

Just thought I'd add my perspective, if helpful. I agree with PPs to have a talk with him and tell him to back off and then just proceed as if he has backed off, i.e., spend what you want (within reason!) and don't ask permission. My DH and I have 100% merged finances, FWIW. We also have very similar goals and general frugal tendencies, even if they manifest in different ways. I think both of those things help.[/quote]

+1. I am basically this person. Your husband sounds controlling and like a jerk.[/quote]

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