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[quote=Anonymous]I find it pretty much impossible to think there even could be an afterlife (was raised Lutheran and as a kid often worried about this notion that Jesus would show up out of the blue one day to judge both the quick and the dead, and after a pneumonia bout when I was 12 and dreamed the long hand of God stretching down our block and people saying "My God!" and the voice addressing me with a gigantic "Nooooooooo")

I have nights when I'm just about to fall asleep and suddenly feel the sheer terror of death.  And realize that no matter HOW MUCH humans want there to be a God, if there isn't one wanting will not make it so.

I have considered that if there IS an afterlife, we might be totally off base to think it is pleasant in any way at all (I don't mean hell, I mean that there could perhaps be a God which does not meet any human standard of one that would be nice or even bearable to be around, maybe it could be a really mean sociopathic God).

I felt enormous guilt when my son was born and knew he would one day have to come to terms with mortality himself. Seemed an awful thing to do to an innocent child. Curiously, I don't blame my parents for sticking me into this existential quagmire.

I rely on thinking that a) I am not going to be killed in a horrific car accident, plane crash, burning house, terrorist attack even though any of these is possible. b) am not going to have cancer even though my sister and brother did and my sister died. c) I will become old and decide that dying is an ok thing to do.

OTOH my dad's mom died in the hospital after developing pneuomonia after breaking her hip--this was 40 years ago, she was very, very old. Her roommate was someone from her neighborhood. The story goes that the roommate knew she would pass soon because she heard her breath rattling, even though the doctor had sent my aunt home assuring her no immediate change was likely. Around midnight, Grandma sat up in bed, yelled "I'm coming, Lord!", and died. If nothing else, that white light or whatever maybe makes it a joyful experience.

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