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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is one of those things that you'd love to be able to plan for and agree to, but the truth is the reality of having kids and two careers is sometimes you have to do what makes sense, not what you agreed to pre-conception. Are his hours reasonable with little travel? is there on-site childcare at his academic institution that you can get on the waiting list for now? Having him be the point person for drop off and pick up (assuming there is a good child care option that works with his commute) would be a great help to you while you try to build your career.

Furthermore, what's your other option? Not have any kids? If you want them, I think you take this chance and try to figure out the split in a way you can both live with. [/quote]

Honestly, yes, I would forgo kids rather than risk become a frenzied and resentful mother, which I fear could happen if we don't have enough money to be comfortable and he doesn't help enough.

I have a lot of resentment already because he refused to have a baby while we were moving around when it would have been an ideal time to do so. Now he wants a baby badly just when I am starting to have the ability to get deeper into my career. [/quote]

OP. reading your post tells me that this is already going to have issues before it even begins.  You are putting too much pressure on yourself and on your DH right off the bat.  It can be incredibly stressful for you post partum - hormone fluctuation, no sleep and to add the stress of the career can be too much.  give yourself time and accept the fact that it may take more time to get to that desired state of equilibrium that you so desperately want in order to get your career back on track.  You can agree on this stuff ahead of time but for many things, it's so hard to predict once that baby comes.[/quote]

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