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[quote=Anonymous]Really hard to say - I did the trailing spouse thing and we had kids while I was trailing,. I didn't work/worked PT, so of course I was the primary during those years.  I went FT for the last 4 yrs while trailing. We always had household help.

The split has never been anywhere near 50/50, and still isn't.

I think the trick is to insist on it with him, AND insist the system recognize there are two parents.  I.e. - don't let the system make you the primary on everything. And if your husband is the type that has no idea the kids need a well-child visit/shots, I think sitting down with identical planners and writing down who's responsible for what when is a good solution. Don't allow the norm to be you "assign" him tasks.  You want him to be absorbing the routine, etc.

Start with a conversation about paternity leave.  That ought to be eye-opening.

[quote]and don’t criticize his way of doing things cause this is how you are going to end up doing everything yourself. [/quote]

THIS - you'll have to accept that your way isn't the only way. Harder done than said![/quote]

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