Reply to 16YO step-DD coming to live with us full time

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Reply to "16YO step-DD coming to live with us full time - rules and expectations?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Be welcoming and nice, why is anything else needed at this point? You say she is nice, why try to create issues before hand? Only thing to say is, we tell each other when we go somewhere, ask if you can go somewhere, etc.. Treat her like your own kids, but not exactly as yours are young. treat her as a young adult. I mean, is she moving because she is a major problem child? Are you an option before wilderness camp? Can you both just be nice?[/quote]

I think this a great approach for some extended visits before she moves in full time. Is there any possibility of her coming to stay for a couple of weeks a couple of times before the summer?

I would say to her that you want to work together to make it work, and make the household run smoothly, and use those visits to find the points of conflict (or potential conflict). Then, you present her with what you want to have happen, and you figure out how to get there together. I would also at some point talk to her about what she's worried about, because that is where you're going to get weird push-back that seems to come out of the blue. My guess is she's worried about becoming a permanent, on-call babysitter, because that has probably happened at her mom's house.

If she's not that kind of kid, and you think you're going to have to have very strict rules and expectations, this is going to be tough on everyone and it's best to be prepared for the possibility that you will ultimately have a largely autonomous adult living in your house with your toddlers, because it is very difficult to truly "control" a 16-year-old even for parents who know her very well.[/quote]

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