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Reply to "Are most adoptees unhappy?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm an adoptive mom.  My kids are happy but they aren't adults yet.  I didn't know about the extreme anti-adoption faction until after I had adopted and it was pretty scary and disheartening.

Throughout my life I've known several adults who were adopted as babies and are as happy as anyone else.  One in particular found his bio family, stayed in contact with them, but says he's so grateful his mom placed him for adoption as his circumstances were so much better than his bio siblings.  He has a phd and none of his bio siblings went to college, also their bio mom suffered from mental illness as well as other issues.  I also have one good friend who was adopted who has severe depression and complex ptsd but she was abused by her adoptive family.

My conclusion is that it varies but it's best to be open and helpful if your kids want to know their bio family.  In this day, with 23andme and facebook, it's pretty easy to find family. Plus, it's so natural to want to know where you come from, what happened, etc. that an adoptive family should not take that as a personal affront.  I also think it's particularly hard for adoptive kids if there are bio kids in the family or if there is a transracial adoption, but we don't have that situation.  I think those families have to work especially hard to make sure their kids feel integrated.  And none of this - color doesn't matter; we are colorblind nonsense.

The thing I never understand about the anti-adopters is what is their alternative?  Women are no longer forced to have adoptions.  What would they want to have happen to these children without parents who feel able to raise them?  I'm fully in favor of supporting women who want to raise their children but can't due to financial or other circumstances, but not everyone wants that.  Those babies deserve homes, too, you know?[/quote]

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