Reply to Tips for surviving middle school girl cliques

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Meant to say DD. Yes, we initiate. We host parties, sleepovers, and even have helped lead Girl Scouts. Personally had to stand down from that because I was viewed as the driver and carpooler. I’m willing to do these things, but I can recognize when it goes too far and when my daughter is not being included. I will say that [b]she is quite bright, so kids do tease her that she reads and there could be some envy about classes she’s in or not having to struggle with homework. Those peers do not seem to be as social. I think it’s a stage until she finds her tribe[/b][b], but the outright exclusion is difficult to understand. I knew it was coming, but it’s ugly now that it’s here. [/quote]

Regarding the bold -- you already know she will find her tribe, but she needs some help doing it. Despite parents who will tell you, let the kids make all their own social arrangements in middle school, the fact is they often don't know their own schedules day to day ("Oh, I forgot there's an [i]extra[/i] sports practice that Saturday and I already asked X to come do Y with me at the same time!") and they do not drive themselves anywhere. (And the usual parents on these boards who say, let them bike or take the bus, etc. are clueless--by MS ,kids are no longer necessarily living next door to or on the same street or even in the same part of town as their school peers).

The key to me in your post above is that you say the more academic "peers do not seem to be as social." Is that based on their being invited by you/DD but not reciprocating? Or have you tried inviting them at all? Id' stop bothering with the old set of friends from elementary who are leaving her behind and would start encouraging doing things outside school with kids who share more of her current interests. I have a bookish, academic kid too, and believe me, those kids can be very social indeed, but you have to connect them to each other first. Does she talk about specific kids at school? Would she like to get into (or form) a club at school? Our MS had a Harry Potter club, a creative writing club, etc. -- maybe its' time for her to change her activities and find ones that are more aligned with who she is in MS. That's hard for you as the parent to make happen, but you and she may not be aware of all the activities at school and outside it too.

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