Reply to When Acquiantences are too Invested in how you raise your SN kid

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Reply to "When Acquiantences are too Invested in how you raise your SN kid"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP - I am sorry about the rude PP.

I have a few acquaintances like this too.  Mostly the are parents I have met in OT waiting rooms or back to school events for SPED classrooms.

When my child was very young we weren’t exactly sure what was going on with him.  So we were quite aggressive in the interventions that aligned with his challenges even without any diagnoses.  So what’s i think happened is that these parents assumed our child was more similar to theirs than is the case.

I have been encouraged to:
-quit my job
-go self-contained
-register with the state for financial help to pay for ABA therapy
-go to ASD-specific camps instead of mainstream ones
-avoid situations that could be overwhelming

And I do believe this was all well-intentioned advice, but it isn’t what my child needs.  He is thriving with the way we parent him.

This is going to sound harsh, but for some of these parents I believe that a big part of their self-worth is comprised of their ability to provide expert advice on kids like theirs.  They have given so much of themselves to that cause. I have been there too. And it is hard for them to realize that you might not need the advice or that your child is perhaps experiencing more success right now than theirs is. (I completely recognize that isn’t always the case.)

So I try to be as kind about managing my boundaries as possible.  I will often say something like, I really appreciate the suggestion, but what we are doing really seems to be working right now.  Now tell me more about what (you’re kiddo) likes about whatever the recommendation is.  Or I will ask if they have heard anything about something else  I am researching. They might not know personally, but may know of someone who does.  That gives them the opportunity to still be providing advice but in a way that I really appreciate.[/quote]

OP here...yes, I've been told to quit my job, go to the ASD specific camp, etc. I almost wonder if we met the same mom in the waiting room! Totally agree, it was well-intentioned, but not what my kid needed. It is a broad diagnosis and no 2 kids are alike.

Now that said, I do sometimes ask for input on programs, etc and I am grateful when people share the info. I also don't mind the occasional unsolicited advise. It's just things like "quit your job" or you must chose this educational program or bust that crosses a line. You don't know our financial situation and the person has no business making educational decisions without the background to do so. We make these decisions with a team (developmental pediatrician, teacher, speced teacher, admin, advocate, etc) not because random mom insists it must be done.[/quote]

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