Reply to I just looked it my daughter's social media accounts...

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]And... whoa.  First, let me start by saying that I have ALWAYS told her that I have the option of checking in on her social media accounts. She is 14 years old and we have talked about the importance of parents knowing what and who their kids are communicating with online.  I have access to her devices and accounts, passwords, usernames, etc.  Well, I guess she assumed I wouldn't check her snapchat and.... well... I did.  I could barely use the app because I don't have a snapchat and I think a lot of kids assume that will be the case for their parents.  FYI... if you ever decide to look at your kid's snapchat app, go under settings first and turn off the setting that says to delete all messages after they are read.  I changed it to 24 hours, which was the only other option and let me tell you, the flood gates opened.

I have no problem speaking with her about what I read, primarily because we have had the open discussion that I can see her messages anytime I want.  But. Oh my goodness.  I read several messages that were shocking.  She talks with her friends about how she doesn't want to be a virgin anymore, is ready to have sex anytime, anywhere... even in school.  She even has the location picked out, (thanks to advice from another snapchat exchange). She talked about how boys are approaching her asking if she wants to have sex and how she'd planning to do it soon.  I should point out that the word they're using is NOT "sex" but, rather, the F word.  Her messages are quite explicit... saying that she's ready for some "d---" and she's "just tryin' to 'F'" and how she knows they just want some good "pu---."  AND THESE ARE THE MESSAGES THAT HAVEN'T BEEN DELETED!!!

I also learned that she has another social media account that I didn't know about.  There wasn't anything too revealing on that one, but there were plenty of deleted messages. Red flag.

Now, what do I do?  I know that sounds like a stupid question, but.... how do I deal with this now?  A part of me wishes I had never read the messages, but now that I have, what do I do????  Do I take her phone? Do I have her delete her social media accounts?  Does she need to get punished?   We CLEARLY need to have a discussion, but please give me some guidance on what to say, what NOT to say, what to do, what NOT to do.

I consider myself to have sound judgment, but I'm stumped on this one, to say the least. I have a knot in my stomach bigger than ever and I need support.  And please, no ugly mom-bashing comments, but constructive criticism and guidance is welcome.

Thank you in advance.

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The first thing to do OP is to distinguish what you are upset about. Is it that your DD wants to have sex or that she used some shocking language on the internet (!) about wanting to have sex? 
Being interested in sex at fourteen is expected and normal in boys and girls. I was the biggest goodie two-shoes and so was my best friend, and we raging masses of hormones at fourteen, thinking and talking about boys and sex.

If I were you- I would keep this conversation limited to what is currently damaging-- putting her business out there online. That is a bad move that can follow her as much as poor sexual choices. You need to talk about cultivating a clean, online image.

I would deal with the sex the same way as if she had come to me personally about it. If your DD seems unresponsive to sex as a responsible choice between a mature, committed couple- a practical conversation about STDs can do the trick- at that age, the thought of incurable herpes cooled my jets-- and let's not forget social consequences- does she want to have sex in a school broom closet with some idiot who is likely to tell everyone about it? [/quote]

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