Reply to Should I tell my kids the divorce is due to abuse?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]After years of psychological and emotional abuse and neglect, I left my spouse in April. We have children together, 12 and 8.

Up until now, I have been telling them that STBX and I have decided we can’t live together/couldn’t get along, but I am wondering if I should be more forthcoming with the details. I don’t want to lie to them, and I feel like STBX is the one who poisoned the family, and the kids deserve to know the other parent isn’t as fantastic as they believe.[/quote]

Not now. The only reason that you would share this information with them now would be to hurt your ex. That is not a good use of your energy.

Maybe later, this sort of information would be important to share. For example, my parents' marriage broke down for similar reasons. When they split up, they gave us similar answers about why ("We just can't live together anymore"). I was 12 when that happened. My mom didn't tell me how my dad was verbally abusive and controlling until I was about 17 and he was being verbally abusive and controlling to ME. At that point, my mom was like, "Look, I didn't tell you guys how it was to be married to your dad and why I wanted to leave because you were kids and that was not the time, but right now, what you are feeling and experiencing is something I am very familiar with. You are a good person and a good kid and he is being inappropriately controlling and mean to you. You are not going crazy."[/quote]

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