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[quote=Anonymous]  I had a great relationship with them in adulthood until the last few years. Since having to get my mother to face reality about my father and all the things I've had to help with, it has changed. I have become the scapegoat for her frustration and she had no problem lashing out at me until I set limits. While I am grateful to them for planning financially for aging, I am resentful they didn't make any plans otherwise. They assumed the would age in place with no nurses, no assisted living and that I would just clean up their bordering on horders house when the time came. I am the one who lives closest and the ones who live farther get better treatment. No they are not going to help me. They like their role as the good ones.

So here's what has happened. I still love them, but I don't particularly like them. I am sick of having to insist on respectful treatment. I take breaks and they call me more. I resent the fact I am in a new role as the bad guy. I feel like they have little appreciation in part because they did NOTHING for their own parents. However, as I said I still love them and my kids do too.

I hate having to keep firm boundaries. I hate that I have to insist on respectful treatment when it used to come so naturally. I basically have to mourn the old relationship. I am in a constant balancing act between pulling away and making sure they are safe and don't endanger anyone else. Just thinking about them brings me stress, so when away from them I try to think about them as little as possible. I am much happier the days I don't speak with them or see them.[/quote]

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