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[quote=Anonymous]I want to discuss this to maybe help myself regain control of my emotions. 
 Backstory: 
A few years ago I was saw/was apart of something and I developed PTSD from it. Was only 25 at that time and went on anti depressants and anti anxiety medication. Stayed on Diazapam for more than a year. When I realized I wasn’t being triggered on the daily with flashbacks and only using it to sleep, I tried to get off of it, but continued to have nightmares that made it difficult to stay asleep. Doc said I had an addiction to it. Took time but I eventually figured out how to live life with only the anti depressant, occasional Xanax for panic attacks and THC for situations when my mind couldn’t sleep. Learning to cope without Valium felt close to impossible, that detox period was a real low for me.

I’m 32 now and everything in this pregnancy was fine until a couple weeks ago. No Xanax or THC but stayed on the antidepressant. I’m not as well rested, and I assume that’s why these flashbacks and nightmares have started again. They’re the level of intensity I remember from my 20’s. My doctor said I could go back on Valium to prevent PPD/PPA. I haven’t asked for a RX. I have no excuse other than I wasn’t able to snap out of that sense of chaos, and I’ve used THC on four different occasions recently.  I’m terrified of trying Valium again, I don’t want to go through the addiction/detox process. Valium is harmful for the fetus, as is THC, but one is legal and one isn’t. I’m going to test positive, the baby will test positive.

The only person I’ve discussed this with is a L&D nurse friend who said not to bring up THC useage with my doctor because the hospital will absolutely have to test for it, whereas right now I don’t know if they will. She also said to stick to formula, which I will do. I’m terrified of the unknown and consequences of this. What’s done is done with the useage. I’m still struggling with some of the PTSD symptoms but they’re not my biggest concern, being in jeopardy with CPS or law enforcement is much scarier.

I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this, turning to the internet.

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