Reply to DD is trying to hang out with a cool crowd where she is on the margins

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Reply to "DD is trying to hang out with a cool crowd where she is on the margins - how to steer her to others?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DD keeps hanging out with a group of girls at school who are alpha types.  She is almost always a fifth wheel, or at least she ends up feeling this way the majority of the time, based on how she describes it.  There are other friend options that we have tried to encourage in various ways, but DD is laser focused on sticking with this crowd.  While they accept her at school and some after school activities, it seems pretty clear to me and to my DH that she's never going to be considered part of the core group and they will not fulfill her friendship needs.

When I was a kid, I was able to pick up on these cues and knew instinctively to move on.  I don't get why my DD doesn't. [b]I've been tempted to lay it out for her in somewhat blunt terms, [/b]but am betting that it will only backfire.  Before I do something stupid, I'd welcome advice from parents who have helped a daughter move on to better friends.  MS is a tough time for me to do this since it seems like kids do a lot of their own social planning...

Any suggestions?[/quote]

Go ahead and do it. It will likely help her start the process of moving on.  She knows it is happening but she believes in her mind that other people from the outside don't see it and she has the illusion of being "cool" and being in the popular group. Breaking the illusion gives them the chance to relax about the appearance they think they are keeping  up and start the process of moving on.[/quote]

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