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[quote=Anonymous]Perhaps not relevant to you but a) continued therapy (for myself); b) recognized that DH's functional alcoholism wasn't going to go away unless he chose to deal with it c) told DH that while the alcoholism was his choice, DC and I didn't have to have it as OUR choice and that either something had to change or... d) once he decided to pursue sobriety, made sure that he had the contact info for the best addictions specialist in the state [but did not and have not made the appointments for him, etc.] and e) after 6 months (which is still not long enough in the sober world) we have both made changes that break some really icky patterns we'd established, ranging from watching television in separate rooms each night to re-orienting careers (and in my case re-retiring) to taking time to talk by phone mid-day about our days.

It has been FAR from easy, OP, and I'm still in awe that things are better -- DH has been alcoholic for the 30 years I have known him -- but we're headed in a better direction.

One heads up: we still have some patterns into which we fall far too easily.  He's an attorney who's REALLY good at gaslighting; my empathy is boundless, as is the rest of me (as in, I'm awful with boundaries...classic co-dependent in some ways); it's far easier to scream than to walk away for a bit; it's really difficult to realize that DH now can be counted on to keep commitments and help with DC).  But it's so.much.better.  I hope things will get there for you too (and I REALLY hope addiction's not part of your story, but if it is...then be sure you have resources for yourself and that you're not trying to change your spouse in ways that only s/he can do).[/quote]

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