Reply to Open relationships - good, bad and ugly

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[quote=Anonymous]Like PP, I disagree with the automatic reaction of "must be married and cheating." I've been in open relationships and met quite a few of people on OKCupid in honest, ethical, open relationships. The thing is, open relationships take many forms and degrees of openness. The ones that work best are where everyone is clear where everyone stands. Does everybody get to meet everybody else? Does everyone know and understand the rules? Are their relationship hierarchies (e.g., the pre-existing relationship is primary & takes precedence and the others have a set time and place or are they "relationship anarchists" open to falling in love with others and no defined hierarchy)?

Successful open relationships require clarity and lots of communication. Some common pitfalls are:
1. misunderstandings or lack of communication about expectations
2. jealousy
3. competition or disagreements over resources (time investment, scheduling conflicts, money/energy/emotional capital spent on one versus the other)

With good communication and clear expectations it can be done.

I had 2 different experiences. One failed because my boyfriend was simply not open enough communication-wise. He didn't even like to tell his dates upfront that he was already in a relationship and had difficulty keeping me informed of what he was doing with whom. The lack of transparency with them and with me created too many misunderstandings and resentments. The other time, I joined an open couple in an established relationship. That worked very well because everything was out in the sunshine, everybody knew what was going on, when, and with whom. I spent time with both of them and we had a very close relationship. We're still good friends.[/quote]

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