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[quote=Anonymous]I'm seeking advice from the DCUM community to know how to get out of my 20 year emotionally abusive relationship. There has been no physical abuse, save for once when he was so angry in 2011 that he nearly ran us off the road. My husband, throughout our marriage, yells at me, name calls, pounds his fists on countertops in anger, and repeats this pattern. His family knows about this side of him, but I think no one in our community would. He's a hard worker, does his share at home with kids (11 and 9, now), and values his family.

He yells. A lot. We've been in counseling literally for 15 years with 4 different therapists-- we've found one that has been able to help him create *some* change, but it's just simply not enough. Last session, I thought he'd promised that he'd not name call again. What he said, actually, was that he would 'try his best' to not namecall again, so last night when he yelled at me and called me horrible things, I just thought, "Wow, this will never ever end."

He says I cause the anger by interrupting him, by not seeing his side of the story, by not allowing him to feel criticized or attacked by me if I tell him he is doing something wrong. This is from a man who has criticized me for our entire relationship.

Ok, vent over.

I think I'm ready to leave. I just started a new job, and my healthcare (in my name) will kick in in the next month. Then, I will go to counseling on my own to gather strength. I really don't know how or when to do this. I'm just afraid. Any advice, other than "just do it!", would be really helpful. Any similar stories out there? 20 years? Such a long time to be yelled at. [/quote]

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