Reply to DH has been having an emotional affair, blames me for it and his drinking

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[quote=Anonymous]Well, other than the emotional affair and bragging about women, I could have written this.  My husband has developed a drinking problem.  He binges on his weekends.   If he's even had two drinks, then he gets mean and blames me for everything.   He sneaks alcohol.

And the same thing with the kids.   We come home from somewhere and my kids are worried that Daddy will be drunk.   My kids don't respect him.  And when he's been drinking, he blames me for this.

I have lost ALL interest in sex with him.   I can't sleep with someone I have no respect for.   That will come back if he can get better.   He's been sober a month and I feel my old affection for him returning.  But it's still fragile, you know? Always worried about the next time....

I don't want to jinx it, but I think things are getting better.

I've done four things:

1) I don't allow alcohol in the house.  If I find alcohol in his car, I throw it away.  We stopped going out to dinner too much, or we only go if I get him to agree not to order any alcohol.  I have told him if he gets arrested for anything alcohol-related, I'm leaving him in jail.  I do not enable.

2)  I got him a breathalyzer.   Two, actually, so he can't say he left his at work or whatever.  He has to test on demand.  If he refuses, it's like the cops, per se evidence that he's been drinking.  This seems to actually help him NOT drink.  It was his idea.   Not mine.   So if your husband has any ideas about what might help him stop drinking (within reason, not if he's making it about you), then take them under consideration.

3)  I refuse to fight with him when he's been drinking, even a little.   He is useless when he drinks.   It's like his IQ falls 50 points.   I don't engage unless he's sober.   Ever.   I tell him he's gaslighting and I walk away.

4)  I have made him go to his doctor, and I go with him, and I explain that he's drinking inappropriately and cannot seem to control it.    Unfortunately, his doctor is useless.  But maybe yours isn't.   There are a couple of prescription medications out there that can help stop drinking.  Like Vivitrol and Anabuse.    That's my next step if he falls off the wagon again (he's been sober a month).

I will leave him if it doesn't get significantly better.   My parents both had alcoholic parents, and my parents are a wreck for having grown up in that.   But I get that it's not easy to leave immediately.  I do believe in trying to fix things.   But I also know there are things I cannot fix.   Only he can.   So far, my husband is trying.   I hope yours does too.[/quote]

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