Reply to DH has been having an emotional affair, blames me for it and his drinking

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[quote=Anonymous]DH has been binge drinking with increasing regularity. For the past year, he has made it a habit of getting wasted once a week- 12 beers or more. About once every two months, he has stayed behind at a restaurant, after dinner with me and our kids, both under 5. These nights, he comes home hours later, beligerant and angry with me for refusing to wake our children to go get him. He has snuck vodka into drinks twice, once at our dd's bday party and once at a swim playdate. I suspected something and when my suspicions were confirmed, confronted him. Last night, we went to dinner and upon hearing the wait time opted to go somewhere else. Our dd got upset and said, "please not the (blank) place, daddy drinks too much beer there and doesn't come home with us." This lead him to get furious with me for "poisoning our kids against him". He doesn't realize that at her age, she sees what is happening and is aware of why. He spent the dinner telling me about how he's type A and I'm not and that makes us incompatible. He berated my weight gain and housekeeping skills and my career, all disappointments to him. He stayed downtown until the bars closed. He came home, passed out, told me again that we were separating, and then tried to get frisky. This morning he apologized and then within an hour was back to telling me about how he has found an emotional friend. Platonic but she may want more, as she kissed him once. Told me about a woman he's met at conferences who twice has gone to his room and taken her clothes off, but he stopped it at that point. Told me about all of the pretty young happy women who love his company at conferences. Blamed my being emotionally distant and sexually uninterested in him. I'm not uninterested, but he only wants me when he is sloppy drunk, which is a huge turnoff. He told me he was leaving for a week alone and then we could do our family vacation the following week and work on us, but he wanted to separate. He proceeded to "shame spiral" this afternoon, drinking by 11am and passing out/napping by 430. He woke up an hour ago, ate dinner, and went to bed. He says we're okay now. He is/was heartbroken, but we will start again. I don't want our kids to grow up in a broken home or a dysfunctional home. I don't want to be angry at my husband. I don't want to be bitter and bitchy. I also don't want to be a single mom. How do we heal this? How do I find a calm center for my marriage and family? [/quote]

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