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[quote=Anonymous][quote]I cannot get DH to commit to anything when it comes to our 3 yo son. So, like planning a trip or activity, like going to, say, a bounce place. He will not plan ahead. It has to be something spontaneous that he think of. Similarly he will not commit to each of us having our own chores-like I empty the dishwasher and he takes out the trash. I have found that every task in our life has become a negotiation or a fight. In reading advice everyone recommendeds that couples have a pre-set understanding of their expectations and tasks but as I noted my DH refuses to do this and says I’m being “crazy” when I propose a cooking schedule or set chores. The only thing he agreed to was I do daycare drop off and he does pick up. Even this is failing bc he insists on pickup 5x per week, which is not feasible with his work schedule. I urged him to just do pickup 2x per week but he insists on doing it all 5 days and then calling me last second saying he’s not going to make it and can I do it (I wfh 3x per week). The whole thing has me exhausted and frankly it’s just easier if I do everything- from childcare to cleaning to activities, and if he opts in, great it’s a bonus. If he takes out a trash bag that’s cool. We can afford a bit of help as far as a cleaner and babysitter. But I feel like this is overall a sad way to live and I’ll just be bitter. Does anyone else live like this? I actually read about this setup on this forum.[/quote]

my advice is DO NOT ENABLE. this is going to be tough and you are not going to like it but it looks like this.

Calls at the last second to say he can't make it and you say sorry I cannot either. This is your day and I made plans. You are going to have to figure this out.

You make dinner when you feel like it and feed toddler. when he comes home and asks whats for dinner, you say "I dunno, do you have something in mind you are planning to make?"

ITs trash day and he hasn't put out trash. You leave the house and the trash is there. When he complains that no one put out the trash you say "Oh, I didn't realize we had a set schedule or division of responsibility." Same with other chores. Just stop doing stuff and if he says "why didn't you do XYZ" you say "well, we don't have a division of responsibility, so I didn't think it was my job to do."

Saturday rolls around and he suggests something and you say 'Actually I already made plans to do XYZ with So and So/am taking toddler to the playground at this time and I am not going to change them.  But you are welcome to join!"

In other words, you have to make his lack of planning painful to him. Right now, it is only painful to you. Of course, in the back of your mind you will also have to decide internally which things to sacrifice and which things not to. [/quote]

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