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[quote=Anonymous]Hi all: DH here.  DW and I have been married for 3 years and I have a 2 YO.  I also have a 9 YO from a previous marriage that I share 50/50 with my ex.  DW and I are in our early 40s.  Forgive the long post but I was hoping to get some advice from the female crowd here...

Prior to our child together, intimacy was never an issue, obviously, but there was a catch.  I was the initiator about 99% of the time.  Sex/intimacy was never at the forefront of her mind but she always enjoyed it with me and always down for whatever.  The lack of her initiating bothered me a little but it was never an issue b/c of the amount of sex/intimate moments we had.  FFWD to now - we have a 2 YO who has been very challenging.  Sleeping sucks, First year was filled with stress because of the baby's lack of sleep, appetite, etc.

During her pregnancy and even in year 1, intimacy was not really a big issue for us (again, I was the initiator) and I understood that libido wanes when there is a lack of sleep and there is stress.  I get that.  I found other ways to be intimate with my DW even if it didn't involve anything sexual (oil massages are my preference).  I usually would give her oil massages a few times a week.  Sometimes I did them with the hope that she would get turned on enough to do something but most of the time I did it with no expectation of anything and just to feel her bare skin was "good enough".  I would caress her a certain way, making it clear what I wanted, she would give me the usual "I'm tired" or "I went to the bathroom" kind of excuse.  Fine, whatever, I deal.  But, after months of this, it has forced me to be in this position where I feel like I just want to put intimacy out of my mind and don't even try for it because I'll know I'll be frustrated/disappointed - but as you can imagine, this has a vicious cycle where she sees me not trying and her own perception of sex wanes as well.  I exercise, I stay in shape, I complement my DW, I touch her, I kiss her, am affectionate, am 100% into her but I fear that this is going to be an issue for us going forward.   She doesn't exercise, doesn't eat great and has no hobbies/friends outside of the baby.

To compound issues, I recently disclosed to her that I do not want any more kids (she knows I was not totally on board to having another from the beginning) but she wants one more, mainly for a sibling for our child together.  The past 2 years have taken a toll on us - physically and mentally and another child is simply too much for us.  As a result, she recently disclosed that sexual intercourse for her was a reminder that she can't procreate so she's not exactly excited to do it.

Is this a serious issue that we need to address via therapy?  We talk about it but I feel it goes nowhere.  She's gone to a sex therapist but nothing came of that.  The flip side is that our child still doesn't sleep well and I know everything is that much harder when there is a lack of sleep going around so I think, I have to just stay the course, be patient and keep working at it.

Anyhow, I know some self-image/depression is also at play here, which further complicates things, but I'm kind of at a loss of what to do.

Lastly, I know I'm certainly not perfect - I just want to help her/us as much as I can.
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