Reply to Sister's H is emotionally and verbally abusive

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Reply to "Sister's H is emotionally and verbally abusive"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP again-

15:20, that's what we thought and what we have been telling her. Since posting this, she admitted to me that it has been "slightly physical" (her words) with her. He raised his fist to her twice while she was holding her oldest when he was only a few months old. Then more recently, sometime in the past month, he pushed her into a door and picked her up by her wrists and forearms to move her, which put bruises on her wrists. Do you (or anyone else reading) know if this changes things regarding mandated reporting to CPS since it's not outright hitting, etc, and has rarely happened? She is adamant CPS not get involved and I worry she won't get help if that is a possibility. I want to be honest with her no matter what that means.

13:00, all great ideas, thank you! We both have offered to help her with her kids. I'll talk to our other sister about a code word and go from there. We have suggested her keeping a bag packed and hidden just in case she needs to get out immediately and she responded well to that.

Thanks for the helpful responses! [/quote]

It sounds like you all are doing a great job and the most important thing is that she knows you are there and are a safe place to come when she is able to leave. One of the most unsafe times for a woman experiencing intimate partner violence is when they try to leave, so it’s implrtant to trust her gut on when that is right. This is why if she seeks support from an agency helping victims, they won’t encourage her to leave but just help her understand her options so that’s a role you can play too. Victims know bestwhat is safe for them, but it can be hard for others to realize that. She is lucky to have family like you and it will certainly facilitate her safety in the future I’m sure.

As to your specific question, it is hard to answer because things vary by state and situation. Typically intimate partner violence alone is not considered something that a mandated reporter is required to report - but this can vary on the reporters judgement and how serious the situation is. I would say that when I worked as a child therapist and also for a domestic violence agency, we did not report and if someone had reported it likely would not have been taken up as a case by child protective services. Child protective services will usually only intervene if the violence is against the child specifically (and serious violence). The reason I say “usually” and can’t give you an exact answer is because each state has their own laws and it is of course up to the discretion of any therapist if they feel a child is unsafe whether to call. I would be shocked if an experienced therapist would contact CPS based on what you reported (recognizing it is often NOT in the best interest for the child to be removed in this situation!) and even if they did call, I would be even more shocked if CPS accepted the report and actually investigated. This all changes of course if violence is perpetrated against the child. I can’t give a guarantee because in severe domestic violence situations, child protective services has certainly gotten involved im sure, but I have never heard of it in a situation like your sister’s.

What I would recommend is searching for agencies that specialize in services for victims of domestic violence. Unfortunately not all providers are as well trained on this issue as they should be. But an agency that specializes in this will have providers well trained, will respond appropriately and can provide support. An agency is also extremely unlikely report to CPS - women would never feel safe to come to them if that was the approach they took. Their goal is to support the woman in getting to safety for herself and her children. So that feels like the safest route where you can safely advise your sister she can get support without fear. I don’t know where you live but I think if you call the national domestic violencrhotline they would give you resources nearby for such an agency. I really recommend this over going to a random therapist. Sadly in my work I found that mental health professionals, drs, etc all recieve far too little training on this issue. https://www.thehotline.org the hotline is for victims but you could still call and gather some resources for her, or even better - sit with her while she calls. It is all anonymous. [/quote]

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