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[quote=Anonymous]I spent the morning crying and am at my wits ends about what to do. Below is the story:

I am an Indian American early thirties woman married to a white guy. After dating him for a year I was told that his mother is "difficult" and that past girlfriends have had a hard time dealing with her. I went in pretty confident as I have always been really good with parents. Parents love me! I met his family and his mother. They.were.awful. They were so racist and sloppy drunks who said lots of embarrassing and awful things not the least of which was telling us flatly that our relationship would not work because I am Indian and Muslim and he is white and christian.

I left their house in tears and shaken as it was the first time in my life that I had encountered such blatant racism and lack of decency. My then boyfriend apologized profusely and promised me that he will always side with me and choose me over his crazy family. I had reservations but after thinking about it, I decided not punish the son for his mother's crimes and continue our relationship.

3 years later, he proposed. His mother threw a fit and did not speak to us for a week. She claimed she was so shocked and caught unawares and didn't realize we were serious. When we ignored her for a week she apologized and attempted to make amends.

We forgave her and moved on. Got married. She was a wreck on our wedding day and barely spoke to me. I ignored her.

My husband's sister is also awful and has never warmed up to me. When we first met I tried to be nice but she was not receptive. It was clear she wanted nothing to do with me. So respecting her wishes I stayed out of her way. She wouldn't even look at me or speak to me at family events. It was awful and demeaning but I got used to it overtime.

Last night was  my MIL's birthday. My little sister was visiting from out of the country so we all went to the IL's house. I get there and I can feel the tension. MIL and SIL have been fighting all day because MIL is not ok with SIL dating a black guy. My little sister is sweet and adorable so she was trying to be nice to my MIL and get her excited for her birthday. I saw them joking around and was happy to see her being treating ok.

I then noticed that MIL was getting to her usual sloppy drunk place. She was anxious and ranting and venting to my little sister. I thought that was very inappropriate. I go and tell my husband who tells me to relax and goes back to helping his sister in the kitchen.

Overall the night was sort of awkward and unpleasant with MIL being depressed and drunk. But we got through it. I gave her a big hug and tons of well wishes on her birthday. I noticed in the car ride back that my sister was sullen and quiet. At home she said she was tired and went to bed.

This morning as I was getting dressed for work, my little sister walks to me and says, "I hate to tell you this but something happened last night."

I am very worried and ask her what happened. She says that last night my MIL pulled her aside and started confessing her true feelings about me to her. She said that she is so worried about her son. She feels that I am a moocher and do not help out as her son pays for everything. He carries all of our luggage when traveling and he is so devoted to me and I better appreciate him. She is worried her family is falling apart. Her kids do not speak to each other. And I am the reason why. Her son doesn't talk to his daughter because of me. And her daughter always cries to her about how she misses her brother. Her daughter also hates me because she thinks I am a spoiled brat who never offers to help when I am over and because I took her away from her brother.

My little sister was horrified for me and says she cannot process what just happened. I started crying. I feel so hurt and horrified that she would say bad things about me to my little sister while I am in the room!

For the record, her accusations are false. My SIL is has major personality problems and my husband avoids her because she is always mean and rude to him. I have asked him multiple times to go hang out with her and every time he does he comes back saying she was being a bitch and he doesn't understand why he bothers anymore. They were never close and have only gotten distant as they have gotten older. The fact that she dislikes me makes it harder for all of us to hang out anyway as I avoid her.

I ALWAYS ALWAYS offer and insist on helping whenever I am over there. Every single time I am shooed out of the kitchen and DH and I are told to sit and let them cook in the kitchen. I always help with the dishes afterwards when they let me. I tried to bring baked goods for special occasions but SIL threw a fit as she is the baker and didn't like that I was competing with her.

I also do not understand why MIL thinks I am a moocher as I have always worked and held full time jobs. I pay for my own clothes and makeup and DH covers rent and utilities as he makes more than me.

I dont know what to do. I am so over in my head. I hate these people.

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