Reply to Does your SO share qualities of your opposite-sex parent?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If your parents were good, being attracted to someone that has the same qualities is good. If your parents were bad, being attracted to someone with the same qualities is bad.  But it’s a very true generalization.  Women that came from abusive homes are more likely to be in busive relationships. Men who came from abusive homes tend to be abusive. 
In my case, my father was abusive. And very rarely around. I was rarely the target of his rages - I was quiet and knew when to hide. My sister would fight and get the shit beat out of her. She ended up marrying an abusive man. I got the hell out of there, and my husband is nothing like my father.
 http://www.euro.who.int/__data/assets/pdf_file/0008/98783/E90619.pdf[/quote]

+1. Yes, I think subconsciously we do. I did in my case. My dad was a control freak and my mom coddled him. She is the brains in the family, the primary bread winner despite many career consessions, and is always working to defuse my dad's temper tantrums. My dad has gotten worse as he's gotten older. My dad is also socially awkward, saying weird and inappropriate things in public. To ask my mom, she's totally in love with him and the luckiest lady in the world.

I didn't think DH was anything like my dad - different ethnicity and political beliefs. However, looking at my marriage, we have the same dynamic as my parents. I take care of eveything that requires thought and planning.  I'm constantly working to appease DH, as he's generally morose and explodes over the smallest issues. I also have the higher paying job and have moved 5 times for his job.

I never realized until last Christmas when i heard my dad yelling at my mom because she forgot to set the coffee maker and she was begging him to stop because we were there. All I could think is I need to change my life, because 25 years from now that's going to be me.

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