Reply to Older lesbian coming out after deafh of husband

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[quote=Anonymous]I know a man in your situation who did the same and came out in his late 50s after his wife died.

He had 3 adult kids at the time and they did not take it well. They didn't care at all that he was gay but they were very angry that the marriage and family was based on a lie. They felt it betrayed their mother who was in a marriage that was a sham and that she wasn't able to experience having a partner who truly loved her. They saw it as a very selfish thing on his part - he got what he wanted (wife and family and picket fence) but at the expense of their mom and to a lesser degree them.

On one hand they understood why he did it but on the other hand, it was too personal for them (their mom, their dad, their family) to be able to make it okay.

A few years later he changed a lot and got very into the gay scene - a steady stream of very young male partners, he started talking with the gay accent, became quite flamboyant and basically was all about being gay. This drove his kids away even more as they felt they didn't know him at all, that they had never really known him etc.

It is now about 10 years later and his life has settled down to some degree. One of his kids is in his life, the other two are no contact. This is the hardest thing for him - to have lost 2 of his kids and their families. However when asked if he would still come out if he had known his kids would cut contact, he says yes he would have. That being able to be himself has been worth the suffering. He does say there are a lot of things he would do differently in terms of coming out and the next couple of years. He is still hopeful that his kids will make contact. [/quote]

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